Every now and again, I have the insane idea of taking a hot, relaxing bath, clearly forgetting the last attempt several lifetimes ago. The taking of the bath isn’t in itself insane, it’s the *relaxing* bit that comes in to play here.
Sure, for the first 30 seconds, sheer heaven, until the inevitable stomp stomp stomp of small elephant feet coming up the stairs in the guise of a blonde 5 year old with pig tails.
Blondie - Mummy, what you doing?
Me - Erm, having a bath.
Blondie - Why?
Me - Because I want one
Blondie - I’ll get you my toys! Do you want Paw Patrol to play with?
Me - No thanks
Blondie - Marshall? Skye? Where’s...
Sure, for the first 30 seconds, sheer heaven, until the inevitable stomp stomp stomp of small elephant feet coming up the stairs in the guise of a blonde 5 year old with pig tails.
Blondie - Mummy, what you doing?
Me - Erm, having a bath.
Blondie - Why?
Me - Because I want one
Blondie - I’ll get you my toys! Do you want Paw Patrol to play with?
Me - No thanks
Blondie - Marshall? Skye? Where’s...
Me - No thanks darling, honestly. Thank you I’m fine.
Blondie - Why? Can I touch the water. I can see your boobies!
Enter the 10 year old hyper dude
Hyper dude (sits on toilet) - Sorry, I need a poo. (While poo-ing) Mum, I didn’t tell you about my dream last night.
Blondie - Mummy, what are you doing?
Me - Shaving my legs
Blondie - Why? Can I get a jug to play with the water. Oops, sorry Mummy, did I splash you?
Hyper dude - I was running up a building with a laser gun and it all of a sudden turned into like this dark tunnel with blood dripping down the walls and…..(stops to wipe bum) then I went round the corner and....sorry about the smell.
Blondie - How about my wind up boat?
Hyper dude (washing hands) - HEY!! I was talking to Mum. Mum??! So, Mum, I was running up a building with a laser gun….
Blondie - Mummy, why are you getting out?
Me - I’m done.
Blondie - Why? Can I touch the water. I can see your boobies!
Enter the 10 year old hyper dude
Hyper dude (sits on toilet) - Sorry, I need a poo. (While poo-ing) Mum, I didn’t tell you about my dream last night.
Blondie - Mummy, what are you doing?
Me - Shaving my legs
Blondie - Why? Can I get a jug to play with the water. Oops, sorry Mummy, did I splash you?
Hyper dude - I was running up a building with a laser gun and it all of a sudden turned into like this dark tunnel with blood dripping down the walls and…..(stops to wipe bum) then I went round the corner and....sorry about the smell.
Blondie - How about my wind up boat?
Hyper dude (washing hands) - HEY!! I was talking to Mum. Mum??! So, Mum, I was running up a building with a laser gun….
Blondie - Mummy, why are you getting out?
Me - I’m done.
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