Practicalities and useful notions from this week
- Never assume that no-one is going to see your travel card photo that you imagined you would only ever offer up to the machine at the bridge, so didn’t bother making it acceptable. One day, you WILL leave it at the car sales showroom when you trade in your car and give all the poor, unsuspecting *Car Sales Executive Technician PhDs* (or whatever they call themselves now) recurring nightmares.
- Chilli peppers are not good crafting materials
- Strive not to vomit each time my son uses the term ‘poo sauce’ when describing the contents and wipings of his slightly runny bottom (oh, yes…the joy of motherhood is real, people)
- Endeavour not to spray coffee over the children and dog each time my daughter’s friend says “Fack you” when I give her a drink or a biscuit
- I am a grammar pedant. Can’t deny it. Please learn to use the apostrophe and whether it is *their, *there or *they’re. I’m begging you. It’s giving me palpitations.
- Sports Direct is NEVER, EVER going to close down. OK? It’s lies, all lies. There, I said it.
- Strawberries stuffed with Nutella and smothered in thick double cream is one of the most delicious things on the planet, with the obvious exception of Haagen Dazs salted caramel ice cream. (Don’t be daft. Nothing is as delicious as that tub of ambrosia.)
- Smiling and waving at someone who deliberately didn’t let you in because they wanted to be one car ahead in the line of traffic, really throws their Karma for the day. Most will quickly peep at you from the side of their eyes and then avert their gaze. Others tentatively wave back. It’s a good sport. Wankers. (sorry Mum)
- Most of my male colleagues are cake whores. You know who you are.
- Bike leathers shrink in the cupboard. Especially around the tummy and thigh area. It’s a scientific phenomenon.
- And finally, if my daughter thinks she’s getting a biscuit following her monumental tantrum as her brother dared to help her with the remote control, quite frankly, there is more chance of Peppa Pig denouncing muddy puddles.